I was on a call with a client recently, a smart and driven business owner, running an incredibly successful business. She was frustrated with a team member, and as she was telling me about it, she said it: “I just shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
I hear this ALL. THE. TIME.
And I get it… but I don’t agree 😉
You built a business or you stepped into a leadership role because you were good at something. Not necessarily because you wanted to be a people leader. Not because you were dying to have performance conversations or navigate someone’s defensiveness or figure out why a team member isn’t showing up the way you need them to.
And yet here you are.
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Here’s the problem with “I shouldn’t have to.” It is not a solution. It is a dead end. And while you’re sitting in that dead end, your team member is getting no feedback, no direction, no leadership. Research from Chartered Management Institute found that 57% of people would do almost anything to avoid a difficult conversation at work. Leaders included. So the avoidance is completely normal. The impact of it is not.
The reframe I keep coming back to with my clients is this: what if instead of “I have to deal with this,” it became “I get to”?
- I get tohave a conversation with someone that might actually help them grow.
- I get togive feedback that clears the path forward.
- I get to be the kind of leader that people actually remember because someone showed up for them.
That is not toxic positivity. It is a genuine shift out of victim mode. When you’re in “I shouldn’t have to,” things are happening to you. When you’re in “I get to,” you are back in the driver’s seat.
And here is the thing nobody talks about: your team feels the difference. When you walk into a hard conversation depleted and resentful, they feel that. When you walk in like someone who actually wants to help them get better, they feel that too. The outcome of those two conversations is completely different.
If the personnel stuff genuinely is not for you, that is a real and valid thing. The answer then is to hire someone whose job it is. But until that person exists, someone has to lead your team. And right now, that is you.
Go listen to this week’s episode of Real Talk: Leading Small Teams for the full conversation.
